NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
