so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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