WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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