I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
