What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
