are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
