I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
