Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So vagazzling was a success
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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