Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
