There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
