38 yer olds are good kisserssss
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
