man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
