he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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