My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
