how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
