How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
