I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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