He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
