She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
