he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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