i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
