Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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