I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
