I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
