Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
