at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
