I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
