So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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