Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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