bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
