yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
