it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
