I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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