my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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