problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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