I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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