Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
