I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
try to milk me bitch
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