I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think your dad took our porno
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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