she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize