My room smells like vodka and shame
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
