Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
