she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
