Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
