I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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