I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
