I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
