I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
