we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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