That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
