I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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