4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
