break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you win again, gameday.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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