i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
