Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
