Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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