whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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