Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
