why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The best walk of shames are on the highway
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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