we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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