I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
