I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize