is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
