Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
