at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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