i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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